God Is A Patriots Fan And It’s Bullshit

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Are we really doing this shit again? Get me off this ride. The New England Patriots will be taking on the Los Angles Rams in Super Bowl LIII on Sunday and you can color me annoyed along with everyone who doesn’t live in New England and who doesn’t professionally dick-ride the G.O.A.T. Look, we get it. Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are by far and away the best quarterback and coach combo the NFL has ever seen. Tom is old and still shreds the best teams in the NFL. We keep saying “this is it” and they keep winning and shutting up the critics. And to be honest, I’m sick and tired of watching it.

The greatness of what has transpired since the early 2000’s isn’t lost on me. I unequivocally consider Tom the best at his his position to ever play the game. This will be his 9th Superbowl appearance. Nine Superbowl appearances. That’s a fucking joke. Sure, it helps playing in a division full of inept franchises but even then this feat is impressive. Call it luck, skill or somewhere in between, but regardless it is ridiculous. The best comparison I can give is the Atlanta Braves winning 10 straight division titles from 1995 to 2005 and even they only won a single World Series in 1995. The incredible run the Patriots have had is absolutely unparalleled but it doesn’t mean sports fan are into it.

To be fair, it is intriguing story line but I’m ready for a changing of the guard. I should have known better than to think Phillip Rivers and his army of 45 kids had any chance of beating the Pats in Foxboro. I genuinely thought this was the year Andy Reid and Kansas City would get over the hump and lead a superior team to the Superbowl. Wrong again. And now we find ourselves where we seem to always wind up in late January; with Tom and Co. as championships favorites again.

We all know Father Time is coming for Tom. We saw more glimpses this year than ever before, but while his arm becomes more and more limp dick, he continues to be the smartest guy on the field. To me, the Belichick and Brady era in New England can be defined by one thing: Coaching. The Patriots flat out beat people between the ears. There is no other way to describe what has transpired there over almost the last two decades. The Patriots never beat themselves. Ask Russell Wilson and Matt Ryan. Brady and Belichick have two rings thanks to inexcusable errors by two Pro-Bowl caliber QB’s. I still don’t understand how that mouth-breather Eli Manning is undefeated against the Patriots in Superbowl’s, but that is an entirely different discussion. The reality is that the Pat’s flat out get it done when it matters, and no other franchise seems to be able to un-fuck themselves when playing New England. To quote my boy Russell Wilson, “The separation is in the preparation” and it is obvious that nobody prepares like Tom Brady.

I know it was old ten years ago, but let’s take a second to appreciate what we are watching. We are watching the absolute best to ever strap it on, deflated balls or not. I actually feel for Tom when it came to deflate-gate. I myself have some Junior Whopper hands and would want the ball a little deflated too. As a Seahawk’s fan and football fan, I hope the Pat’s lose by a million. But we all know that won’t happen. I would expect yet another all-time classic on Sunday, and if we get lucky, not Tom Brady will be holding the Lombardi Trophy. And if we get really lucky, Kevin Hart’s drunk ass will crash the party.

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